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Page 12/What She Wants/September, 1980-

The Liberation of Maria (continued from page 6)

get his visa to enter the U.S. as a political refugee, but they still wouldn't let him out. Then suddenly the Organization of American States came to check on human rights violations in Chile's concentration camps, so they started freeing some prisoners. Miguel left with a group which had visas to go to the U.S. They took him directly from the concentration camp to the airport. He became free at the moment we took off in the airplane.

in reality, I think it was a great experience for me. Before all this happened, I had no personality to go anywhere. But when Miguel Hisappeared, I went out into the streets, and I began to talk. I didn't know where the words came from. I would walk right into all these offices and would speak with anyone ! could-with the mayor, with high-ranking officials of the armed forces. I spoke with all of them without having experience, without knowing anything. I thought, "Where did such bravery come from, to go and talk to them, not ever having been in this kind of office before?"

I suppose it was not knowing where Miguel was, that he had disappeared, and knowing that many before him were detained and never found again. I suppose that just this would make one brave enough to do those things, regardless of the consequences.

The time that Miguel was detained was a time of total change for me. I was another woman afterward because I did many things that I never thought I had a capacity to do. Now I have changed and so has Miguel. Before, when Miguel was with me, I was afraid to speak, afraid I would say something stupid. But now I speak a lot. I think, "If I make a mistake, I make a mistake."

Fdon't feel as depressed. I feel more free: Doing what I'm doing now, sitting here talking, I would never have been able to do it before in Chile-never. Even shopping—if Miguel left to go to work and I realized I needed to go shopping, I wouldn't do it without letting him know first. Here, I will tell the children, I'm going shopping." It's OK if he comes home and I'm not there. But before, it was like a fear-the man is in charge of everything and you had to tell him everything. I still tell him everything, but it is different.

Now, if he is going to make a decision, he asks my opinion. For example, if he is going to bring a friend over for dinner, he checks with me first. In Chile, if I put on a dress and I didn't feel right, I would withdraw and feel bad. I would ask Miguel what I should put on—even how to dress the children. Now, I pick out my clothes, and if he doesn't like it, well, I like it, so I wear it. Before, I did whatever he said. But I didn't have to feel inferior after all, because I really am capable of a lot. He tells me he sees that I have changed, and he likes the way I have changed. We agree.

In Chile, there were many women who did nothing for their husbands. They were in prison for years and years, and they never filled out one paper on the outside. Before, they had a bad life with him, so they said, "Well, better in prison than in my house beating me up." Some Hispanic men can be very rough. Men were supposed to be in charge, and women had to do what men said. Women didn't have the right to say anything or to have an opinion. I think some of the men who were detained may have changed. Miguel, for example, has become more thoughtful. While I was suffering outside the prison, he was suffering inside.

Another thing-before, I wasn't interested in politics at all. For me, it just wasn't the thing for a woman to do. I would hear about people being tortured, but I didn't believe it. But after one sees these things and feels them, one comes to understand that

it is true. Some of us take it more to heart than others.

My father was a carpenter. Here, a carpenter earns a lot of money, but not in Chile. There were seven of us children. He raised us according to the conscience of a Chilean man. He had some education, but he would just work, drink, and come home drunk. That was his life. He died from drinking so much. He didn't participate in anything. He was a person whose head was empty. He didn't try to reason things out. Since I was brought up in that atmosphere, I thought the same way. I didn't participate in anything, and I was brought up with an inferiority complex. After all this happened with Miguel, I realized that I could do many things, and do them by myself. I just used the words that came to me. I realized I accomplished a lot. I overcame my sense of inferiority. Many times we don't know we can do things until we do them. When we have no opportunity, we don't know what we really can do.

Miguel wants to go back to Chile. Sometimes 1 wonder, if we all went back, whether our lives would be the same, considering how we have changed. Life in Chile is so different from what it is here. Here a person is surrounded by a certain environment, but there, we would be in the same environment as before. I don't know if we would change again. Maybe my friends and my family there would respond differently if they knew about our experiences, how we changed, and why.

My younger sister is going through a lot of things in Chile that I went through. But I can't say much to her, because her husband opens my letters to her and reads them. I can't give her any advice because he reads the letters:

Miguel doesn't do that. I open my letters and he opens his. If I want him to read my letter, Igive it to him; otherwise, I don't give it to him. I tried sending my sister letters through my mother, but my sister is afraid. In Chile, women had to tell everything. We could have no secrets. My sister's husband treats her like she's a little girl, with no rights to do anything freely. She says very little in her letters because he reads what she writes before putting it in the envelope.

I have a driver's license. I write and tell my mother that I can drive. I always write and tell her everything I am learning. My mother has almost put me on a pedestal now. I always tell her that she is not too old to try. She says, "My daughter, you have changed so much."

And I say, "Mama, it seems incredible." A mother always wants the best for her daughter. I wish my mother could come here and we could talk. I could tell her how my life is different.

PCAC (continued from page 2)

abortionists were all about and what Pro-Choice meant..

Our media coverage was good. Channel 3 wanted to film a pro-choice member handing out leaflets to people driving into the Preterm parking lot. Everyone filmed was pro-choice!

Anti-abortionists will stop at nothing to harass and scare women away from having an abortion. Over 33 clinics have been fire-bombed in the past four years, one of them in Cleveland. We must defend the clinics from all forms of attack. And, of course, we have to demonstrate our support visibly for a woman's right to choose abortion.

visibly

On September 12 and 13, anti-abortionists from all over the state will meet in Cleveland. The Cleveland Pro-Choice Action Committee is calling for a demonstration, and continuous picket against their meeting. If you wish to help us build the demonstration, please call 321-6143 or 621-8224.